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Submitted on
September 3, 2003
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Infected by invalid praising
While capturing the stench of barbarians
Drinking the black blood of the good
”Pay me and you will receive Christ”

The wrong doing of the white
The corruption of the good
The endless maze to heaven
For the ones that tried

Crucify all the rich to end the stench
Endless falling, no way out
The loop worms are covering the cross
Invite to another to baptize and so to be blinded

The scripts of the book bring false hope
Killing all those who walk to forgive my heart
Submitting only to the true evil deep in my soul
To only wonder if that place is true in the skies
Confessing all the good in me for it does me no good
Praying and kindness is God in disguise



Blaspheme and treason are excuses to slay
And the church blames me for their injustice
It’s the cross you hide behind
Looks like its on flames
Im a little pissed today
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:iconthesmileserase:
umm did u write this after being at church? well u know i dont like the fact that ur writing against it, but it was very nicely written. hey how come u have like a big space b/t the 4th and 5th stanzas?

bethany :)
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:icondeliriousdreams:
DeliriousDreams Sep 16, 2003  Professional Writer
had a bad run in with the church I see...
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:iconangelicrose:
Wow!

mmmm hate

This is really good :nod:

*pop outa the bushes and rapes u*
Reply
:iconimyselftheking:
Cant be rape cause I want it
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:icondeliriousdreams:
DeliriousDreams Sep 4, 2003  Professional Writer
ooooooooooooooo flames!
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:iconlost-but-found:
arg-ga effin big words mess me up! lol i liked the parts i did get though...
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:iconokami-no-oni:
okami-no-oni Sep 4, 2003   Photographer
all too true in today's world, sadly.

but as for the poem, i think maybe the lines were a little long. my opinion. other than that, it's all good to me!
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:icontoolofthemuses:
your writing has evolved

~Brittany~
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:iconstrwberryfire:
mm.. i would disagree that the anger is subtle, i thought it quite apparent.

i disliked the first stanza immensely. for some reason, im completely against the word choice and find it too.. im thinking corny? but i dont think thats the right word. too planned, too forced perhaps. at any rate, i dont like it. oh and just work on the flow a little more, parts were a tad choppy.

that aside (and i really do think you are an amazing writer, im just being honest so dont hate me :( ) i think you have an interesting idea here, while i may not agree with all thats written, i think it makes for a good piece of poetry.
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:iconmelliegurl2005:
melliegurl2005 Sep 3, 2003   Writer
hmm very interesting poem. . .anger is sensed, but u make it subtle. . .very well done
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